A few weeks ago, I turned forty and have to say that so far, this side of the big 4-0 looks exactly like the other side, so far. My more cyncial friends and relations keep popping up with comments about "going downhill" or "new aches and pains. I feel sorry for them if that what being 40 means.
For me, 40 means I might actually be taken seriously and not called "young'n" or be chastised with the phrase "but you are so young" or my favorite "but you are such a baby still". Hopefully being 40 puts an end to some of that nonsense. However, given the demographic here in Palm Springs, CA, this may be too much to hope for this year.
Being 40 should also mean that I should not be afraid of so much anymore. At least, not afraid of what people might think of me for various things I may or may not do. Many times in my life I have been stymied by the thoughts of what people may say or think about what I am contemplating. I have had a few shining moments of bravery, such as being the only male cheerleader at my high school for three years or changing careers at age 33. No regrets on either of those things.
Usually I am moved to inaction in smaller things, like saying hi to someone new in a social setting or going to a club that interests me by myself without my gregarious husband to help break the ice for me. I am hoping to be braver in these smaller things so that I can develop hobbies, interests, and more friends and start to more concretely define myself away from my job and my marriage.
I wish sometimes I could be a as brave as my husband, who has no problem meeting people and striking up a conversation. I suppose his theater training helps a lot in that respect. Or at least be as brave as my friend and fellow blog writer, Milton, who recently started Israeli martial arts courses.
Mostly I just want to live life more fully and with better intent that I did in my twenties and thirties. This blog I hope to use as a vehicle to spur me to more action and to report on the results, which knowing my track record should be amusing.